I will probably never have perfect faith in this life, but mine has radically improved in recent years. I have commanded healing for people who were then healed (though I have difficulty calling on that same power for myself). I have prayed against people who then suffered. I have seen words spoken into the air influence decisions and circumstances. I have asked and received.
More than a month ago I asked some friends for prayer about something I wanted. I wasn't sure if it was the right thing, and I didn't want to make a major mistake. I wisely did not trust my own judgment on this matter. One friend replied about a week later saying that God wanted me to get out of the burbs and become an integral part of a real community of believers who are involved in each other's lives and committed to one another's well being. The exact community was my choice, but I had to move soon.
That fit with what I wanted for myself, but it's a big step, especially when my ex and I share custody of our son. I couldn't legally move with my son without her consent, and I knew that going to court would almost certainly be a disaster for everyone. Before plunging into such a risky venture, I needed to be sure that this was truly a word from God. I asked several other people for prayer, and I began
fasting. After nearly two weeks agonizing over this, my mother gave me some excellent advice: Quit praying so hard and just listen. I continued to seek God, but relaxed somewhat, trying to keep my eyes and ears open for whatever God might have to say.
11/6
My son told me that maybe God is just waiting for me to step out in faith. "Why not take a leap of faith?" he asked.
11/7
On Friday, my pastor told me that he didn't have a word from God, but (for a reason I won't divulge at this time) moving sounded like the right thing to do.
11/8
At about the time I had started down this road, I had been asked to read the Torah portion to the congregation on November 8th. I was already familiar with the
parsha, so I didn't review it ahead of time. On Saturday, I stepped up to the podium and was still quite surprised to read in the very first verse, "Now Yahweh said to Abram, 'Go from your country and your kindred and your father's house to the land that I will show you.'"
Later that same day I was speaking to one of the older men in the congregation. I told him about the word I had received and wondered out loud if this Torah reading was the confirmation. He replied, "You should have asked me before. I knew months ago that you were going to leave." That's when I decided it was definitely time to go.
A few minutes later, my ex called to tell me she was expecting a baby. I knew it was something she had been wanting for years. I also knew it meant she would be OK if my son and I moved further away.
On Monday, I learned that my real estate agent had received a bid on my house for the full asking price. The bid actually came in on Saturday, but he knew I kept a seventh day sabbath, so he didn't call me then. He keeps a first day sabbath, so he told me on Monday.
That was six confirmations in three days, but there remained one big hurdle. I knew that my ex wasn't happy about me considering leaving the state. We had come to an uneasy agreement earlier in the year, but I hadn't acted on it, and there were dramatic changes in circumstances between then and now. I prayed for softened hearts and peace between us and then called her on 11/12. She held to that same agreement with no anger and no fighting. My son and I will move to Texas, and he will spend a substantial part of each year with his mother. It's not an ideal situation, but it allows both of us to follow our hearts without resorting to lawyers and expensive legal maneuvers.
God is good, "and we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose." I'm headed south for the Winter.
I don't have a job in my new location, yet. I have some promising leads, but I am committed to moving regardless of my employment situation. God doesn't give direction without also giving the means to follow through. This is yet another opportunity to develop greater faith. "Lord, I believe. Help my unbelief."
