Webb on Friends and Lovers

Michael Webb seems like a pretty smart guy sometimes. In December's edition of Secrets of Blissful Relationships he wrote,
Every blissful relationship is built on a solid friendship. Not on awesome s.ex, religious beliefs or common dreams and goals -- all those things can change over time - the only thing you can count on to remain is a strong and loving friendship....Save any sort of physical connection (hugging, kissing, holding hands, etc.) until AFTER you have already become close friends and are ready for the next stage. It should be RARE that you actually make it past the friendship stage.

The best friendships can survive just about anything, because very few attacks come from every possible direction simultaneously. When you're shopping for a spouse, look for someone with whom you can connect on as many possible levels as possible without getting too creepy. You'll never find a perfect 100% connection, but you don't want that anyway. Because everyone changes over time, you can only go downhill from a perfect match. The connections you have must be strong enough to stretch and regrow in other ways without breaking the relationship. Some of those connections are vital, but most of them should be able to come and go without breaking the friendship.

A few ways to connect:
  • Morality
  • Intellect
  • Athletics
  • Spirituality
  • Religion
  • Hobbies
  • Fun
  • Mutual friendships
  • Missions and Causes
  • Politics

Those are just a few obvious things that come to the top of my head. There must be a million more.

P.S. You can subscribe to Mr. Webb's newsletter by sending a message to: secrets-on@mail-list.com.

No One Knows II

Not only can one man never know the depths of suffering or joy in another man's heart, but no man can know the depths of any emotional state in another's heart. I have said that I don't believe mere humans are capable of unconditional love, but what is my belief to reality? I don't really know how anyone else can love, just as they don't know how I can love. One man will give up his life with no hope of gain in this world or the next. Another man can love five women with the same intensity and passion that other men love only one. One man can love and hate at the same time. Yet another man cannot love at all, and another man knows only hate.

We feel and experience our own lives, and we build a template through which we gauge all future events. Then we take our template and judge other men by it. What pathetic little morons we are.

(Don't mistake this for a misapplication of the "judge not, lest ye be judged" principle. I'm only talking about what a man feels, not what he does. That's a whole other story.)