Egregious Confessions

Recently someone sent me a link to the most depressing and irritating web sites I have ever seen: True Wife Confessions. It's just hundreds of women complaining about their husbands or bragging about how they lied and cheated and got away with it. It sounds like some of them are really in bad situations. Their husbands are rats, and they've tried everything they can think of to make things better, but nothing has worked. Most of them are just whining incompetents who are just as much to blame as their husbands, trying to play the usual childish canards of "you should have known" or "it's not what I say; it's how I say it!"

Their number one problem? They never said anything, or they never said it in a way that made sense to him.

703, it's not your fault that his breath stinks, but it's your fault that you never said anything.

701, you're beautiful!

706, you should have listened to your grandmother and kept your pants zipped until you were married. That one is totally your fault.

707, it sounds like your husband and 725 deserve each other.

601, you want to continue subjecting your kids to an abusive, perverted, awful man every day of the week for the next ten or more years, because you don't want them to be around him for the occassional weekend? What!?? Trust me. If he's as bad as you say, then he won't want to spend that much time with them.

604, you need to tell him exactly what's going on. If you trick him into something, he will hate you and maybe even your "accident." You need to find a way to convince him how important this is to you.

596, maybe he was a jerk about it, but what does your laziness have to do with his hair loss?

600, you had better tell him! Don't you dare surprise him with that!

590, you are lower than a snake. Respect is the first thing you owe your husband. If you can't even act like you respect him (even if you don't) then what good are you?

574, it seems like such a tiny thing, doesn't it. Snacks aren't the only things you hide, are they? Why is it so hard to speak up about such a little thing? They will only get bigger.

568, you don't love your husband. Living with him for so long, some of it should have rubbed off by now.

527, why in the world would he want another chance with you? I'd be afraid to touch you for the diseases you probably carry! Did it ever even occur to you to talk to your husband or try counseling before you bedded half the Internet?

354, you're beautiful too!

349, please ask him to do something about it.

332, say it, already! Tell him how you feel.

325, yes you do.

320, instead of belly dancing lessons, try an English grammar refresher. Then maybe look for a class on honesty and integrity.

285, you really should tell him that. I think he'll understand.

114, it won't be pleasant, but you have to talk to him about it. You're right. He has to grow up, but a child has to be taught. They don't learn proper behavior on their own. However, you aren't the one to teach him. You're just the one to point out the need in as tactful a manner as possible.

116, you're not in love. You're a selfish little brat who didn't get nearly enough beatings as a child.

109, please, sugar face, honey bunch...won't you just say something to the only man in the world who actually cares? Your husband?

91, I'd like to remind you that we can't punish someone for something they didn't do...but I think I understand.

81, if he's snoring away, that probably means he's asleep. Has it occurred to you that you can't blame him for something he doesn't even know about?

51, get over it. Really.

57, I know you probably think he should just understand that instinctively, but he's not a woman. Most men are different. Just tell him what you need, because he'll never be able to figure it out otherwise.

21, why do you let him go through all that work when you know you won't appreciate it. Instead of being such an unintentional leach, why don't you tell him what you would really like?

19, you'd get a hell of a lot more if you just told him so.

20, why do you even care if your husband means the words that some total stranger actually wrote? Why don't you ask him for a hand-made card. It might seem childish to him while he's doing it, but he'll mean everything it says, and he'll keep doing it if you reward him right.

3. Coward.

6, you're beautiful too.

7, don't be such a twit. If you want something you have to say it. He's not telepathic and neither are you, so don't expect him to suddenly become a mind reader even after 50 years.

Here's my confession: I have the same problem. By the time I figured out that I had to actually tell my wife what I wanted, the things I wanted had become too numerous and too big for her to do anything about them.