Poly Women in a Mono World

An outsider’s observation...

In the Western world, you have to be an unusual kind of person to want to live polygynously, especially if you are a woman. In my experience, there are three kind of women who are willing to toss aside tradition in favor of the onslaught of pressures that you are certain to face as a polygynist.

Desperate. Some women have already faced some of the worst the world has to offer and are willing to face a little bit more in order to find the relief that comes with family and love. They don’t think very far ahead, living one day at a time without great regard for consequence.

Sick. Some women (some men, too, but that’s another article) love to destroy other people’s lives, especially their own. They weasel their way into families by feigning submission and gentleness, and then turn on the very people who have opened their homes, tearing down husbands and driving other wives away. If they aren’t interested in polygamy, you’ll find them as mistresses, one-night stands, bitter and angry. Patriarchy in action (sometimes the mere mention of it) sends them into fits of rage. They often make claims of strength, when they are anything but.

Free. Some women are open to polygyny because they are simply open. They don’t base life choices on what everyone else does. They choose what seems right to them, and not what others tell them is right. They are usually strong, secure, and intelligent. Some of these women started in the same way as the desperate women, but they responded differently. Their hardships drove them to freedom instead of to desperation. They rarely have a need for polygyny and neither do their husbands.

The desperate woman and the sick woman are likely to poison all their relationships with men, intentionally or not. The desperate woman should be handled with caution. Her perspective on life is seriously skewed, and she has propensities for selfishness and instability. You are likely to spend all of your time propping her up, instead of working together to build a family and ministry. The sick woman should be avoided at all costs. Her risks far outweigh her benefits, which are few and mostly fallacious. She will destroy your life and the lives of everyone else who gets close to her. Both of these two are also likely to be Jezebels, controlling and manipulative.

The free woman is every great man’s dream. If you are worth her time and you do your part, then your synergy will be amazing. Whatever you decide to do, you are likely to exceed everyone around you. If she puts her energy into becoming a great woman, then she will be a ruby set in pure gold.

A Tale of Three Cities

Three Biblical cities illustrate the ways in which God deals with sinful men:

1. Sodom was destroyed without warning and without mercy. Abraham bargained with God and won a single hope for Sodom, but God already knew that it was a false hope. He knew the hearts of the men of Sodom and so did everyone else, Abraham included. In a city of tens of thousands of people, Abraham asked God to spare it for the sake of only ten righteous men. I think he knew that they were not likely to be found.
2. Thebes probably had a good number of righteous people. God offered Pharaoh and the Egyptians a chance to repent, and many of them accepted his offer, joining with Israel in the Exodus. Unfortunately, Pharaoh and the majority of his people did not and the entire nation suffered terribly.
3. Nineveh received a reluctant prophet and immediately took his message to heart. The city repented and was spared.

So what city will you be when God exposes your sin? Will you ignore him, despise him, revile him, and be destroyed like Sodom? Will you fight him and try to compromise with him, and be divided and crippled like Egypt? Or will you surrender completely to him and be spared like Nineveh?

God's Ways

Letting God run things his way is always difficult. We think we know what we're doing, and our own opinions drown out that still, small voice. Abraham's story helps keep that in perspective. Would I recognize God's voice if he told me to kill my own son? And how about Ezekiel living in the cave and cooking everything over dung? God's ways...I may never understand, but I pray that I will know him whenever he calls.